So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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