i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
