This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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