every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize