you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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