Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
COCAINE IS GR8
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
