It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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