i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
