I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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