I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
