I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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