I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
