this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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