mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
