i think my tv is drunk
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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