i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
