just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
should my penis look like a turkey
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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