Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
