Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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