barbara walters just said penis...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
