pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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