This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I had to cum in my sink.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
