I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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