is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm bleeding and have questions
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
