I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How many fucks given?
0.12846
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
