she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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