so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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