I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
