Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
