I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am midnight drunk by noon
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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