did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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