someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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