I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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