At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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