Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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