Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
