K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
