Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think i got beer on your cat.
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