sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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