I hate your face
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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