I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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