i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
