I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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