Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
