I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
