I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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