Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
