So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
