Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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