We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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