Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
