porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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