white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
