All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
