tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
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When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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