3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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