I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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