Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
