So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
