I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
