We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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