Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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