Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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