matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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