Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
