She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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