yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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