Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
