I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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