I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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